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The fallacy of “Islamic gay marriage” February 20, 2011

Posted by Rasheed Eldin in Media, Queer Muslims.
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The BBC has an article today promoting a radio programme about “British gay Muslims… joining the global fight for equality and seeking gay Islamic marriage”. If the programme is like the article, it will contain lots of emotions and baseless opinions, but nothing from a credible Muslim scholar.

Asra and Sarah decided upon a ‘nikah’ – a Muslim matrimonial contract. Whilst nikahs have traditionally been the reserve of heterosexual Muslims, Asra and Sarah were aware that other gay Muslims had followed this route and the couple decided to investigate further.

“A few friends said you don’t really have to have an official Imam, but you need someone who is knowledgeable enough about the Qur’an to do it. Fortunately, one of our friends was, and she offered to do it. She’s a lesbian herself, and she said we could do it in her home.” […]

The short ceremony was conducted in Arabic, and additional duas – prayers – were read and the marriage was essentially no different from the nikahs performed for straight Muslim couples all over the world.

But the Islamic faith vehemently rejects homosexuality, and the fact this nikah was for a gay couple is highly offensive to the majority of Muslims – including Asra’s own parents.

Offensive is hardly the point.

Their so-called “nikah” is in fact fundamentally different from an actual nikah performed for a man and woman.

One of the essential conditions of a nikah is that the two people be marriageable to one another. A member of the same sex is not, in the Qur’anic paradigm, a marriageable partner. That is even if we don’t point out that homosexual relations are a sinful abomination.

This pair even state that they gave each other a “dowry”. In a nikah, the dowry (mahr, i.e. marriage gift) is strictly from the man to the woman. So how can they invent this ruling then claim it’s the same as a normal nikah?

The article quotes from Fake Sheikh Daayiee Abdullah, whose senseless rantings we have refuted on numerous occasions. Here I reproduce for you my questions concerning his supposed “Islamic homomarriages”:

  • One of the essential items of a marriage contract is the mahr (dowry) paid by the man to the woman. Who pays whom in one of your imagined ‘gay marriages’?
  • A man may not marry his sister or mother. Can he marry his brother or father? Provide us some scriptural backing.
  • A Muslim man may – if the law of the land permits – marry up to four women. Would you suggest the same for each man, resulting in a big complex web of men all married with each other?
  • (To go further, can a “bisexual” take both men and women as married partners?)
  • A man has the full obligation to provide for his wife and children, while the woman’s money is her own right to spend or keep as she wishes. What system will you devise into Islamic law for two men?
  • In the eventuality of divorce, there is a difference between the procedure by the husband as compared to the wife. Which of the ‘gays’ gets the right to pronounce talaq?

Furthermore, the following Qur’anic argument disproves the very notion of a same-sex partner being considered as a spouse (zawj):

Therefore, whatever actions are carried out in pursuit of fulfilling sexual desires must be deemed unlawful unless the proper channel is followed, i.e. marriage, which Islam defines clearly as being only with the opposite sex. We select one relevant verse to begin a short discussion of this matter:

{And Allah has given you spouses (azwāj) of your own kind, and has given you, from your spouses, sons and grandsons, and has made provision of good things for you. Is it then in vanity that they believe and in the grace of Allah that they disbelieve?} [16:72]

The reference to procreation is significant, as one of the aims of marriage is indeed to bring forth new generations of humans who will worship Allah.  Furthermore, much could be said about the word azwāj (sing. zawj) with its linguistic and Qur’anic meaning as “the opposite part of a pair”. One of the numerous evidences in the Qur’an of zawj meaning the opposite sex, and indeed a very relevant evidence in this context, is the following proclamation of Lut (peace be on him). Here it is evident that the spouses (azwāj) of the men addressed cannot be male, and that homosexual partners cannot be considered as azwāj:

{“What! Of all creatures do ye come unto the males, and leave the spouses (azwāj) your Lord created for you? Nay, you are a people exceeding limits.”} [26:165-6]

From such verses, we establish that marriage is only between a man and a woman. Therefore any sexual activity between two men or between two women is by necessity outside the realms of marriage and, by extension, outside the realms of permissibility. In other words, homosexual marriage is unsupportable within the Islamic legal system, and by definition any homosexual behaviour is fornication; indeed, it may be considered a level worse, by virtue of including the additional element of sexual perversion.

The so-called “Imam” has here claimed that “By not allowing same-sex couples to wed, there is a direct attack on the Qur’an’s message that each person has a mate who is their ‘comfort and their cloak'”(!) Yet if we simply quote the verse to which he is alluding, we find that it says:

{Permitted to you (masc. pl.) on the nights of fasting is the approach to your (masc. pl.) women-folk. They (fem. pl.) are a garment for you (masc. pl.) and you (masc. pl.) are a garment for them (fem. pl.)…} [2:187] Extending this beautiful concept to seeking out any “comfort and cloak” regardless of gender, is an unjustified stretch of the imagination.

Finally, for those who, like this Sarah, would tell us that we ought not to comment negatively because “it is nobody’s business”, then that ship sailed when they turned what could have been a bit of private self-delusion into a media article that promotes confusion about some of the most obvious rulings in Islamic law.

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Comments»

1. mc hammett - February 20, 2011

Are men allowed to pretend their spouse is another man? What if she’s extremely manly looking and he can’t help it?

Rasheed Eldin - February 22, 2011

No.

2. Nur - February 20, 2011

This is so very true. People will want to ignore the truth though, no matter how much evidence of what the Quran says is presented to them. Gay marriages are not allowed in Islam, but with the advent of this tolerate-everything-or-be-considered-backwards phase, they’re considered okay? Certainly say you, personally, think they’re okay, but don’t say that Islam–the religion that makes it clear this isn’t allowed–allows these kinds of things.

What next? It’s okay to drink alcohol so long as you enjoy it? It’s okay to have sex outside of marriage so long as you think you love the person? What is the world coming to?

I’d like to see this “imam” who allows this to answer these questions.

3. Jon Mcman - February 21, 2011

jeez.. this is getting out of hand are we muslims still going to be asleep? this is so wrong! its not a bout rights and stuff its about the natural order of things..but now pple do mak eyou look backwards if you dont tolerate everything but the joke is on them i am a new conver t to islam and i saw the hypocracy of our system.. even criminals use the system to keep themselves safe what a joke and now allowing the population to turn away from procretation how willl the human race continue? are these ppl dumb? man im glad i became a muslim cause i can use my knowledge of rights and stuff to explain just how out of context ppl are using rights to allow some of the worst catastrophies to ever befall mankind!

truly the way of god is the best way.. and i testify to that every day.. La illah ha Illala Muhammad ul rasoolola!

4. Straight Muslim - February 21, 2011

I don’t understand why such hateful comments. Since homosexuality is supposedly fundamentally haram in Islam, why would it matter to you whether ‘nikah’ and ‘mahr’ are allowed between same sexes or not?! You’re a homophobe, get over yourself and stop acting foolish. Islam is anything but about intolerance – and if these two women want to practice their faith as best as they can while reconciling their sexuality, who the hell are we to judge them?

Rasheed Eldin - February 22, 2011

You’re not the first person to come on here “judging” us as “homophobes” yet demanding that we don’t “judge” people perverting our religion.

I refer you to the last paragraph of the article above. If it makes you happier, consider that we’re “judging” the BBC for reporting it.

You ask why we bother critiquing this invalid so-called “nikah”. Well, it’s because:

1. Clarifying the religion’s teachings is an act of worship by which we hope to draw closer to our Creator.

2. Obviously the next step will be to label mosques that refuse to offer this neo-nikah as homophobic and extremist, with the whole thing descending into farce.

If ever I meet this Asra or Sarah, I shall advise them kindly.

Muslim - April 29, 2011

Thank you, your openminded rationale is very uplifting and gives hope to struggling Muslims. Thank you

Weezy - May 11, 2011

Theres a reason it was Adam and Eve and Not Adam and Steve…
There are several lesser hadith stating, “if a man comes upon a man, then they are both adulterers,” “If a woman comes upon a woman, they are both Adulteresses,” “When a man mounts another man, the throne of God shakes,” and “Kill the one that is doing it and also kill the one that it is being done to.”

Abu Dawud (4462) – The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings of Allah be upon him) said, “Whoever you find doing the action of the people of Loot, execute the one who does it and the one to whom it is done.”.

Abu Dawud (4448) – “If a man who is not married is seized committing sodomy, he will be stoned to death.” (Note the implicit approval of sodomizing one’s wife).

Bukhari (72:774) – “The Prophet cursed effeminate men (those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners of women) and those women who assume the manners of men, and he said, ‘Turn them out of your houses .’ The Prophet turned out such-and-such man, and ‘Umar turned out such-and-such woman.”

al-Tirmidhi, Sunan 1:152 – [Muhammad said] “Whoever is found conducting himself in the manner of the people of Lot, kill the doer and the receiver.”

Reliance of the Traveller, p17.2 – “May Allah curse him who does what Lot’s people did.”

Inshallah i hope Allah shows you people the right path… i don’t want my muslim brothers & sisters to burn in jahanam forever.. :(

[Rasheed Eldin: I’m replying here because for some reason I couldn’t post immediately below. First, your concern is admirable but please leave off the “you people”, especially if you’re talking to the site moderators. We are not supportive of homosexuality at all. Still, we want divine guidance as much as anyone.

Second, please beware of pasting hadiths from an anti-Islam site (as it appears you’ve done), as they have mistakenly described hadiths as “lesser” while in reality they are a complementary legislative source alongside the Qur’an. Also, they have mistakenly claimed that there is implicit acceptance of anal intercourse with one’s wife, which is in fact forbidden by Islam.]

Muslim Brother. - April 21, 2012

The beauty of Islam is that there are many facets to its people, the way they practice, the way they interpret the Quran. In the end Allah knows best.

Your words brother, are not helpful. This whole blog is a farce. You talk about being principled and compassionate, yet your words certainly don’t reflect it. I’m not saying you should change and that you are out to stone people, but really, this sting you write with, who is it helping? Post after post, with no reprise (I wouldn’t even bring this up, had that you not written your subheading). This is your compassion? This is how you show mercy?
This seems like self gratification refletive of your views and not something of actual use to the Ummah.
As far is the nikkah is concerned, it’s not my business, but it’s still better than sleeping around. It’s two grown adults in good conscience making a commitment of fidelity to one another. To me thats better than the alternative.

As far as a comment I saw earlier, about the best thing to do if you love someone is to stay chaste, that is totally taken out of context and it seems pretty hypocritical considering how much is said on this blog about providing the right context (which I often disagree with). It’s also hypocritical to say that considering that if that were the case, no children would ever be made.

In the end, Allah swt knows best.

[RASHEED: Again, replying here as no other option. You are entitled to your opinions about how helpful it is, or what you consider compassionate. I think writing to clarify the teachings of Islam, and to correct misunderstandings and distortions, is an essential part of compassion – whereas leaving people to misguidance is cruel negligence. Outside of the blogging world, compassion also entails listening and advising, rather than condemning or victimising.

I really am amazed at people who seem to expect something else from me and others – unless they actually think homosexual behaviour is legitimate (as your comment implies), in which case the only strange thing is that they bother to make such a weak appeal! It is even weaker to raise questions about my motivations, ignoring the actual arguments put forth – in response, I hasten to add, to the lies put about by others (the likes of Al-Fatiha), in the absence of which we would have no job to do here!

Then you say that this so-called nikah is better, quote: “To me”. So what? I am not particularly bothered about my personal opinions, let alone yours. Is that the best you can offer? Maybe it’s better, but does it stop being a Major Sin? Certainly not.

(NB: I didn’t explain the meaning of the quote from Ibn Hazm, so let’s not get into a debate concerning it. You understood it one way, and disagreed with your own understanding.)

I have never, ever doubted that Allah knows best – I just refuse for anyone to use this as a way of saying that there is no truth, or no way of knowing it. For that, you have agnosticism. This is Islam, meaning submission to the path of Allah.]

5. Sarah - February 22, 2011

Asalam alaykum,

I just stumbled upon this blog today after reading a Facebook thread discussing the article above. It’s completely ludicrous and a really poor example of journalism to boot!
The attempts to weaken the moral fibre of Islam really sadden me. I’d rather deal with vehement Islamophobes than fake sheikhs and gay imams. It must be downright depressing. So, thankyou to you guys for doing such a great job! May Allah swt keep your intentions pure and reward you in this life and the hereafter :) Ameen.

p.s It really pissed me off that that woman has the same name as me. Ugh!

Selwyn Wise (@PheeWise) - May 10, 2012

That’s a pretty rude thing to say. If an imam is gay, that can’t be helped. They didn’t ask to be gay. And just because they love a man, their not entitled to live their dreams of teaching Islam? That’s not fair. Allah made them gay. People don’t CHOOSE to be gay. And how someone can be punished for what Allah made them is beyond me. But getting mad just because she has your name? Get over yourself and get over the situation. Some dudes marry dudes and some chicks marry chicks. Get over it.

Rasheed Eldin - May 10, 2012

Just because someone has certain desires, that does not entitle them to re-write God’s religion according to those desires. A person will only be rewarded or punished according to what they CHOOSE to do, not how they were made. This argument from determinism is getting really, really tired.

6. Muslim - February 22, 2011

THE BBC IS NAZI PROPAGANDA MACHINE THAT IS TARGETING MUSLIMS ON EVERY WALK OF LIFE AND NO WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT THERE ARE GAY MUSLIMS.

THE IMAM WHO HAS SAID THIS IS NOT A MUSLIM BUT INSTEAD SOMEONE WHO HAS BEEN BRAIN WASHED TO SHOW MUSLIMS AND ISLAM AS A JOKE AND THE BBC WHO ARE RACISTS IN ANY CASE DONT CARE AS TO HURTING THE FEELINGS OF MUSLIMS BECAUSE THEY HAVE THE RIGHT TO DO IT, BECAUSE THEY ARE THE BBC A RACIST FORM OF MEDIA.

Rasheed Eldin - February 23, 2011

I think this is a bit over the top, but you’re welcome to express your opinion. Certainly there is a deeper agenda behind articles/programmes such as this.

7. Nur - February 23, 2011

Sarah, the names used in the article aren’t actually theirs. They were replaced to protect their identity. It said so in the podcast BBC has about the topic on their Facebook page.

8. Nazleen - February 26, 2011

Salam…

so much has been said about homo relationship…there are several ways to show the feelings..it doesnt have to be solely about lust. what two person feels about each other actually can be transformed into a feeling of pure love n loving each other as one own brothers or sisters in Islam. for the people trapped in this situation, the best is to go back to the teachings of Islam. understand your feelings and transform them into a pure and spiritual love…love in the name of Allah…

Hafsa - April 3, 2012

The most sensible comment on here. Feeling/emotions are not ‘created’ by people themselves. They are placed in the the heart of man by God, its what we do with these emotions that matters. Someone does’nt become a murderer just by feeling as if they want to muder, its when they act upon this feeling, is when it becomes dangerous. I know people who have ‘gay tendencies’ but they refuse to act upon it becasue their hearts incline to a higher love- that of Allah.

9. Bassma Harajli - March 12, 2011

Honestly, i dont think anyone should judge. What people decide to do with their lives is up to them, we may advise them on the right path, but it is up to them what choices they make and what path they decide to walk. In the end it is always between them and their creator, Allah (swt) is the final judge. So lets keep it that way.
Peace be upon you all. :)

Rasheed Eldin - March 13, 2011

Fair enough, but why make the point here? All we have done, as you said, is “advise them on the right path”. If they choose to take heed, we praise Allah.

10. A - March 12, 2011

Rasheed, you know I have tried to find the answer to this question about how can you be muslim and gay at the same time and, sadly, have found no answer. First, I want to tell you that the way a person feels is not his choice. Gay, straight, bi whatever they are, they don’t feel that way cause the “chose” to feel that way. Secondly, I am very much against promiscuity and, unfortunately, it is very prominent in gay male culture to tell you the truth. I have seen people who haven’t been able to change after calling upon their “God” for salvation from these desires which has made the case even more complex. If your “God” is so powerful why can’t he change a person’s sexual orientation? Well I don’t know the answer. It is all so complex. I’ll not judge you by saying that you are homophobe, cause I think that you just try to prove your point, that’s all. I wish “God” had given you homosexual feelings within you for a year and let you survive through that. Then you would understand what I am saying. But, I do think that this website of your is nothing but wastage of cyber space cause you do nothing here but bashing people without any knowledge. I would have understood your effort if you yourself were suffering from these “feelings” as I do and then somehow got cured and tell us to stop it. But, you certainly don’t look like that sort of a person. It’s really nasty when people like you try to sound authoritative about the things of which they have no idea. Take my advice and find something worthwhile doing like actually telling people if they can get rid of their feelings in some way rather than just saying that they are wrong or that they are going to hell or other silly stuffs. I was in a lot of rage when I tried to write this to you but I hope that I haven’t used any abusive or obscene. If I have done that then please do forgive me. I know how it feels that’s why I thought that I could write here.

Rasheed Eldin - March 13, 2011

“A”, you don’t know anything about my feelings or experiences, but if I’m ignorant of any pertinent facts then you – like anyone – are invited to bring them to the table. But since you see the need to place “God” in inverted commas, I think we have other problems. Peace.

11. A - March 13, 2011

Okay Rasheed. It’s true that I don’t know anything about your experience. I don’t think most of the people in this website do. So please do tell us at your earliest convenience whether you also had ssa and then somehow got rid of it. Doing that would matter much more than just bringing up why Islam and homosexuality doesn’t go together. Listen, I have these feelings but I don’t appreciate having them, nor am I very proud of it. But, having these feelings make life sigficantly more difficult. I do love Islam and used to practise it with all my heart but when I found out that “God” himself has put me within the inverted commas called bi, I freaked out. I am still struggling with this bullcrap almost everyday and nobody but people very close to me knows it. Enough of my inundating you with same old stories. My point is either open up a section of this website where you can tell us about your experience. That’ll do good.

Salam

Rasheed Eldin - March 16, 2011

Wa ‘alaikum as-salam.

Plenty of other people have discussed their experiences struggling with SSA, including those who made them an irrelevance to their happy lives. My personal interest is in discussing the facts about Islam in the face of distorting voices like those above.

I pray that you find your way past this issue, especially since you have come to consider yourself “bi”. Even people without SSA are often tempted by people other than their spouses, so why make this a matter to lose faith over? For many, their SSA becomes a stimulus to draw closer to Allah.

Best wishes and you’re invited to read further.

SB - March 16, 2011

“used to practice it” shouldn’t your struggle, your jihad bring you closer to Allah not run away from your faith. I think people use it as an excuse because they are too lazy to practice. But we are just the servants of Allah why should we please ourselves and not our Creator?

12. SB - March 13, 2011

These sorts of people are bringing shame to our religion, stop trying to make Islam fit into a western mould, it won’t fit. The difference between us and Christians and Jews is our Quran, unchanged from the moment the Prophet Mohamed (PBUH) received the revelations. Why don’t they understand these so called feelings are whisperings of the devil?

I think homosexuals just need counseling because obviously something went wrong in their family lives or early childhood for them to become so wayward. If you are gay don’t express it keep it within yourself and ask Allah for guidance and to help you find the right path. This life is a test not for our own sexual gratification so we should be following what Allah wants us to do not what we feel we want to.

I hate being called homophobic just because I believe what Allah wants me to believe, I think these “gay muslims” are being Allahphobic. If you read their “gay muslim” forums it’s filled with filth and smut and not one mention of the Quran or Allah.

13. Ilias - March 19, 2011

Gay marriage is not allowed in Islam. But when a person is attracted to another of the same sex, it is difficult to fight these temptations.
At the time of Prophet Lut, he was offered to homosexuals to marry the most beautiful women in order that they manage to forget their inclinations. Today, homosexuals are judged, in mosques and Koranic schools. Where do you want them to go seek religion? Do we encourage them to stay at home or from among non-Muslims when they are not judged?
Islam is a tolerant religion and tolerates no discrimination. At no place in the Quran or hadith is known as “sick” about homosexuality. Although, it is clearly written that “sodomy” is condemned.
Are we too tolerant of homosexuals that were the Prophets (peace be upon them)? At a time when ignorance is gaining ground in the Muslim world, what position to adopt concerning homosexuality? The position of the Prophets is not she the best?
How to apply to homosexuals to repent without offering them in advance of an alternative? Do we ask to Muslims who practice adultery, lying, interest or witchcraft as openly to repent?
Because these sins are quite become commonplace in our society. How do the Qur’an and Hadith can they really help us to fight all these sins ?

Rasheed Eldin - March 19, 2011

Ilias, I agree with you that what we need to provide is compassionate support for those who seek it. Support, in this context, means clarifying the teachings of Islam and helping people live according to them despite the personal challenges they face.

The problem is that some people are actively turning away from the mainstream community and declaring themselves “gay and proud”. I think our community has to accept a share of the blame for this, but once it happens it is generally inappropriate to take an actively “tolerant” position towards such people. We must be clear in our stance while keeping the door open for them to come back.

I’m happy to hear your more detailed thoughts on the matter.

14. R.S. - April 6, 2011

I agree with your comments Rasheed about being “gay and proud” serving as a method for turning away from the mainstream community. In fact, by isolating themselves from society at large, it undermines any sort of equality which the LGBT community desires as it requires a distinction and division over equality or understanding. Here in America, I am for marriage equality for legal reasons related to the separation of the state and religion. I believe in religious tolerance and am open to honest, frank discussions.
I feel it may be wrong to force imams who are unwilling to perform same sex nikahs. However at the same time I emphasize open discussions about homosexuality without creating a situation of fear. It depends on what values one emphasizes and I feel more should be placed on tolerance and peace than division and hatred.
Plus many of the modern interpretations of Islam from the Qu’ran are quite different from what Mohammed (PBUH) originally said as that which was written down came from followers of Mohammed (PBUH) instead of directly from him (PBUH). In addition, there was not direct LGBT community during his time so to try and place a modern development and understanding of alternative sexual lifestyles in the context of his time is a moot argument.

In conclusion, the important thing is to be open about the reality that there exist alternative sexual desires within all communities, and the emphasis must be placed on a common belief in the values and loving nature of Allah who I feel made everyone, including those who are LGBT.

15. Muslim - April 29, 2011

This is why I am so mistrusting and skeptical of Muslim preachers, like Rasheed eldin, you go your way judging, criticizing, castigating and condemning. I have yet to meet a Muslim with the capacity to sympathize, as though empathy is an abomination. Many deny that homosexuality even exists, declaring it a mere tendency or deliberate defiance, as though we have chose this. I am losing so much faith in my religion and such spite and judgment is not helping. I would love to have the support of ONE Muslim leader that does not dismiss me as an abomination. I was raised with the notion that Allah is infallible and makes no mistake and is merciful. This is my primary strength and what I live by. Gay lesbian Muslims are not in need of YOUR direction, Rasheed, we are in need of support and less hostility. It pains me to know that the love I express is considered an abomination by deliberately ignorant and arrogant Muslims who will not even acknowledge alternative possibilities. In the end t is God’s judgment not yours that determines our fate. But the Muslim populace’s take on homosexuality is truly repugnant and of deliberate stupidity. Only we can vouche for whether or not we are born as we are, and yes we are.

Rasheed Eldin - April 29, 2011

OK Muslim, I am listening. Please share something that I can work with other than emotional rhetoric. You can dislike anything I write, but if you are fair then you cannot deny that I support what I say with reasoning as well as textual proofs. Islam is what Islam is, not what you or I want it to be.

If you are so sensitive to what you call “judging, criticizing, castigating and condemning”, then think about what you said to me and how you said it.

I don’t know you or what choices you’ve made in life, but I in no way consider you an “abomination”.

Having SSA is not a choice, and nowhere have I ever said or implied that. What I do insist on is the simple fact that we each have a choice of what we do with the hand we’re dealt in life.

You used the word “struggling” in a previous comment, but have you considered what this means? The struggle is to live this life in the way pleasing to our Creator (as revealed in the Qur’an and the teachings of the final Prophet, peace be upon him), which means resisting temptations to do anything in disobedience to Him.

“Support” means reminding you this and helping you to live by it just as we are all struggling to do (whether SSA or not). Telling you that it’s OK to do whatever feels right is NOT support.

abdul - June 5, 2012

If you practice and accept homosexuality am afraid Allah will remove iman out of your heart.

16. AF - May 17, 2011

Asalamualaikum brother Rasheed. First and foremost I would like to say thank you, thank you for presenting the facts in a clear and rational manner.

It’s easy for people (heterosexuals) to criticize and ostracize homosexuals just for being themselves. What we don’t know, we fear. What is alien to us, we alienate. But that does not mean Muslim heterosexuals are beyond compassion. If only those with SSA would understand that, and accept that homosexuality (I am not talking about same-sex feelings) is not the way of life Allah has prescribed for us, then this Jihad will have the support of ALL of us.

If you have feelings for someone of the same sex, okay. But if you resist, and try your best to not act upon those feelings, masha-Allah the rewards! What we will give you is love, support, and heartfelt admiration.

17. M - June 24, 2011

If God thought that homosexuality was so incredibly evil why are there gay/bi people? It is not our job to direct anyone in what path we think is right. That is their problem, and their spiritual path has nothing to do with yours. Homosexuality has been around forever, it is not going to stop. People do not choose who they fall in love with, because at the base of it all, it is all about love and who one falls in love with is not under their control. Also sodomy is not the only way gay men can enjoy themselves, they, along with lesbians can preform oral sex, which is not technically prohibited in the Quran. Therefore wouldn’t that make them without sin? I may be wrong on this fact, but the fast remains that pointing fingers and yelling ‘sinner’ does nothing for Islam whatsoever. This is a religion of peace and understanding, of compassion and grace; where is that now? We must use understanding and compassion, and at the least respect for those who are not like us. I have known many people who have suffered in shame quietly trying not to be gay or bisexual. Making people think that their is something wrong with them, that they are defaulted in some way is wrong. Islam is more than right and wrong prejudice, it’s about compassion.

Rasheed Eldin - June 26, 2011

First, you are doing what many people do when they come here: say that condemnation is wrong, then indulge in it yourself. If everyone is free to choose their path, then I too have chosen mine and WHO ARE YOU to criticise? etc. etc.

Secondly, this idea that oral sex (with other than one’s spouse) is not sinful is incorrect and just the product of your guesswork.

We do believe in compassion, but trying to change the religion and its rulings is tantamount to ‘shirk’ – setting one’s self up as God and denying His right to legislate what He wills for His servants. I suggest you read more on this site to understand better, such as the following:

http://gaymuslims.org/2007/02/23/why-were-the-sodomites-destroyed/

18. AK - July 28, 2011

Assalamu Alaikum,

I am a gay Muslim. The fact that I feel the way I do is outside of my control. The prospect of not having my desires fulfilled in this life makes me feel desolate and lonely, if I dwell on it too much. However, I feel I cannot jeopardize my relationship with God, it means too much to me. So I have made my decision, I will abstain. A few distinctions have helped me along this path:

1) Life always involves trade-offs, you can’t have everything. The only way to deal with this is to pick what is important to you and not look back

2) I am gay. There is no point in hiding it, denying it or being ashamed of it. I am out to most of my family and close friends. This has been a comfort to me. I do not feel dishonest, ashamed, or sleazy. I have told them my orientation, and am open about what I will do with it

3) There is a difference between sexual fulfillment and loving intimacy. I am always open to loving intimacy with the same sex, but will always rule out any kind of eroticism from the mix.

4) Allah. That’s it, just Him. He is the Thought that keeps me going, to see His Face is my only goal. No doubt He’s dealt me an unusual hand, but I choose him and will not jeopardize Him for anything.

I’m not pretending to be some kind of expert on this. I still fall victim to sexual sin (not fornication, but lesser private sexual sin). I am not saying, “See, I did it, so you can too. Now quite you’re whining!”

I don’t know you or you’re situation. I do not have the right to belittle your faith, or remove you from the fold of Islam regardless of how you interpret the Story of Lut. (I mean the collective “you”, not speaking to anyone in particular)
This is just my story, and I though it might be pertinent to share it. Forgive me if I have caused any offense, and may Allah help you with your struggle.

Wassalam

Rasheed Eldin - July 28, 2011

Wa ‘alaikum as-salam, I appreciate your openness and lucid points. I might disagree about the value of being “out” about being “gay” (in these terms particularly), but I understand what you mean. May Allah guide us and you to greater truth and worship.

19. Sam - August 3, 2011

“1) Life always involves trade-offs, you can’t have everything. The only way to deal with this is to pick what is important to you and not look back”

–And I add, “be happy you chose the right path=)”

Salam brother Rasheed and everyone. This site helped me a lot understand myself. Thanks and Jazakallah.

Rasheed Eldin - August 3, 2011

Wa ‘alaikum as-salam, you’re welcome and wa iyyak :-)

20. S - November 11, 2012

Assalamualaikum

I totally understand that everyone is entitled to their own personal views but to SB, what you just said about “gay muslims are being Allahphobic” is very extremely harsh.
I am gay, and i am a practicing muslim and i love Allah with all my heart.
I am not saying that i am “a perfect muslim” and i have commited sins that i am not proud and i have yet so much to learn but i am trying really hard and ive been praying to Allah to show me the right path in hope that i can be a better muslim. I am not Allahphobic, i am not islamphobic. I was born in this religion and i am thankful that Allah made me born a muslim and just as Allah made me a Muslim, Allah also made me gay. And ive been struggling with my feelings since i was 12 and i knew i had feelings for women since i was 7 and i have prayed to Allah to take this feelings away but you have no idea how hard it is. Its an internal jihad within myself and i understand being gay and being islam is a conflict.
And now, i am 19 and i am in love with a girl that i want to spend the rest of life with and i pray to Allah that i am able to spend it till jannah, so can someone tell me, is just loving someone wrong? I love this girl like how some of you would love your partner and how you would love your soul mates. How would you feel if you cant be with your partner that you love? I love this girl and i thank Allah for me to meet her and for me to be with her and for Allah to hopefully with Allah’s will let our relationship last till the end.
I know theres a lot of criticism for a “nikah” between two women or two men but i believe that when you nikah someone or you are in a marriage, it is a vow that you make and you swear that you will be not commit infidelity and that you will love that person through the good and bad and what is wrong if two women or men want to do it in the way of Islam?
I am just young, i have so much to learn but please dont judge me. Allah has a challenge and a jihad for everyone, ive struggled but now i believe this jihad is making me InsyaAllah be a better muslim.
Like Islam always teaches us “Kun-Faya kun” which means Be! and it is.
Allah creates a path for every muslim and for some of us homosexuals, this is our path and our struggle. And on matters of love, life and death, Allah has a say to it, he is the commander, so if i love this girl is that wrong? I didnt choose it and i didnt choose to have this feelings. I hope some of you out there understand and at the end of the day, Allah knows best.

May Allah forgive me if i have offended any of you, but this is just my story and how i feel.

Rasheed Eldin - November 11, 2012

To my sister S, wa ‘alaikum as-salam.

I fully agree that we should be able to discuss these matters calmly, and I thank you for sharing your thoughts and concerns.

There is such a thing as brotherly/sisterly love (like what they call “Platonic”) which our religion teaches and encourages. This can exist even for people with SSA, but you must do your best to separate love from lust and desire. Fighting the latter is the special jihad of SSA Muslims.

But let me underline something here which is crucial to realise. Even if someone committed a homosexual act with another person, that is LESS of a sin than trying to change this religion by inventing new concepts like same-sex marriage! In fact, doing so brings a person perilously close to disbelief (kufr), unlike merely carrying out a major sin like sodomy etc.

If you require further clarification, I am at your service.

21. Alfi - January 13, 2013

Very true,but it’s easier said dan done,love is blind.you should’ve known how it feels. wat about deir luv,it’s not necessary dat love should always be expsessed through sex? Wat about dat? Pls in4m me

Rasheed Eldin - January 13, 2013

I touched on these points in my comment just above. “Love” is a nebulous concept abused by many. Our actions cannot be controlled entirely by our emotions, let alone our baser desires. It is our reasoned choice that distinguishes us from animals. As believers, we trust that the boundaries that God has placed are for our own benefit. We do not say that “love” is wrong, but it is not an excuse for changing the rules.

22. AMNA - May 28, 2013

Why would anyone want to marry the same sex and then adopt a child! Why do you want to go against the nature? Why on earth are you disgracing Islam? Well forget being Muslims, you two girls aren’t even normal human beings! I think that there is seriously something psychologically wrong with gays and lesbians. When they stand near me, I feel like vomiting! I would rather stand near a girl who has had sex with a boy trillion times without marriage than to stand near the disgusting gays and lesbians!

23. Keith C. Parsels - October 14, 2013

We didn’t come to you! you decided to come to the West. Get use to it.


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